Two Sister Missionaries came to my door about a week ago. These are young Mormon ladies who are on a mission to convert as many people to Mormonism as they can. They are always in pairs, share a rental unit, are given a car on loan by their church and a small monthly allowance for gas and stuff. They used to travel by bicycle but it has been deemed too unsafe. They happen to have my street as part of their territory. Sister Missionaries are not allowed to visit with a man unless his wife or another female is present. However, I have heard stories of Mormon elders visiting with lone females for at least 15 minutes and much longer.
The sisters agreed to talk to me outside on my lawn and handed me a small soft copy of the Book Of Mormon. I have received several of these over the years. Even when I told them I needed glasses and couldn’t read the small print, they said they would give me a giant print BoM on a return visit. Anyway, these sisters are really sweet and cute. One is from Australia and her partner is from Utah. They also gave me a free copy of a DVD about Joseph Smith and some gold plates. How he had restored the lost gospel of Jesus Christ. I have at least half a dozen of this DVD lying around somewhere. I made the mistake of offering them some tea or soda. Mormons are not allowed to drink caffeinated beverages. Certainly nothing stronger.
“Well, Jesus drank wine,” I said.
“The Bible doesn’t actually say that,” The tall sister from Utah said. It only says that He changed water into wine.”
“So, you think Jesus went to a wedding and didn’t drink a glass in celebration?”
“Actually it was Jesus’ own wedding.”
“What?! You believe Jesus was married?”
Yes, and so is Heavenly Father. We do have a Heavenly Mother, you know.”
“Um, where does it say that in the Bible?’
“It doesn’t. That’s why you need to read the Book of Mormon.”
“Thanks, but I’ll stick with the Holy Scriptures.”
Now it was Sister Australia’s turn. “Heavenly Father revealed to Joseph Smith that one must be married to gain entrance to the Celestial Kingdom. This confirms that Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ are married.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said. “God is God, He’s a spirit. The bible says so.”
” No, it doesn’t,” Sister Utah said. “What it does say is that God is spirit. Not that He is a spirit.”
“So, what’s the difference?’
“Heavenly Father has revealed that He was once a man. Once like one of us. He has a body of flesh and bone.”
“Then why can’t we see Him?”
“Because He chooses not to be seen.”
“How did God get His body.”
“He hasn’t yet revealed that,” Sister Australia said, timidly.
“Look, this makes no sense at all. If God created everything, who created Him?”
“God is the creator of this world.”
“Do you believe there are zillions of gods on other planets?”
“Yes,” they both said.
“Isn’t that being polytheistic?”
“No,” Sister Utah said. “We don’t worship any of them. Only Heavenly Father.”
“Let’s look up the word polytheistic in the dictionary.” I went and got mine from the bookcase. “It says The belief and/or worship of more than one god.”
“Like I said, we don’t worship but one God.”
“But it says here belief in and/OR worship of more than one deity. You believe there are tons of gods in existence. Therefore, you guys are indeed polytheistic.”
“No, we’re not!”
“Ok, let’s talk about Jesus. How was he conceived?”
“Heavenly Father, of course,” Sister Australia said confidently.
“But the Bible says that the Holy Ghost overshadowed Mary and she was found with child. Surely, you’re not saying that God and Mary had sexual union!”
By now the Sisters were getting uncomfortable and were no longer smiling.
“I feel a spirit of contention here,” said Sister Utah. Then she bore me her Testimony and they were gone.
I felt bad. They were really nice. I wonder if I will still get a copy of the giant print BoM?